Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
