if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
