How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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