Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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