reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
