If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
