I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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