I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
