What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
