Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
