her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
