WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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