i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
