I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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