You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
