You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
