god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
