Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
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you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize