dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
