I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
