you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize