come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
