So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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