he puts the penis in happiness.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
