The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
