is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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