I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am one with the molecules
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
