You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
