The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Send help, water and tortillas.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
