if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so let's talk penis.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
