No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
