I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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