Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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