those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
