She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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