I cannot find my penis.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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