i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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