i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
