I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
