i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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