can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
