Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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