the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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