Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
