i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
