ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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