It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
