Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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