we have pet lesbian snakes
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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