We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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