you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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