too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
