Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
