He is an equal opportunity slut.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
