god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
