i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
