This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
not ubering you a puppy
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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