So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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