We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
