i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
