are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
