I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Michael Bay diarrhea
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
