i jhust puked up my retainher.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
