Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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