He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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