I CAN MOONWALK!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
did you just send me my own nude
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize