So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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