dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
