You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
