Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
